Due Date Deception

It’s all a lie! Sure, these scientist folks are all about practical data and “facts.” But is lying a part of the scientific code? Is betrayal imbedded in their DNA? Only they could research and tell you… If they told you the truth!

What is it that I’m prattling on about? I’ll tell you. Nine months is a lie! That’s right, pregnancy is not a nine month endeavor. It’s ten! Ten months! (Apologies to parents who had preemies)

I first noticed this fabrication in fertility while reading a pregnancy book, by one of those so called “doctors.” The book said birth “typically happens anywhere between the 38^th and 42^nd week.” Now I know I was a Communications major and my limited math skills peak at figuring out a pitcher’s ERA, but I seem to remember that there are FOUR weeks in a month. Wouldn’t that make the 9^th month end at 36 weeks? Well, wouldn’t it? But they don’t tell you that in 8^th grade Sex Ed class, do they? No, they don’t. They tell you to go in the corner and only return to your desk when you stop giggling. Fascists!

“Nine months,” everybody says. “It’s going to be an amazing nine months.” “Your life will change in nine months.” “The wife’s got the old nine-month flu.” “You have to serve nine months of community service.” Well, I’m here to tell you that we are in week 38 and the mommy crock pot is still on simmer.

I’m not actually upset that we’re heading into double-digit land. I’m more concerned with the comfort of my wife. She says she wants the baby to sit in there as long as possible. The longer the baby simmers, the more “done” she will be, I guess. For instance, in our birthing class, our instructor told us of a woman who went 12 months before giving birth. But the doctors told her, as long as she was comfortable and the baby was fine, there is no reason to induce. No reason to induce? Try sanity. That’s a good reason. My question is… If you go a full year pregnant, can you claim the child as a dependant?

Now, there are several doctors and fertility folk who claim that due dates are determined by counting 40 weeks from the first day of the last menstrual period. BUT, they also say a woman is not actually pregnant for the first two weeks because she hasn’t even ovulated, yet. Add the fact that you don’t usually find out you are pregnant until the 4^th or 5^th week and you’ve got a ton of variables. Or you could go with the idea that 40 weeks adds up to nine calendar months (30 or 31 days) or ten lunar months (28 days). And, luna is Latin for moon and the root word of lunacy. Some scientists believe that the phases of the moon are responsible for some abnormal mental conditions. So, I guess it all makes sense. It’s been crazy around here for nine months and 2 weeks.

But what would I know, anyway? I was induced.

Installing the Parent Tray

So, now we are officially within the 2 week window and at yellow alert. Friday was a glimpse into our future as parents on the weekends. Gone are the days (for a while, anyway) of going out to dinner and/or a movie. The first night of the weekend was spent assembling the stroller and the playard. It’s like some NASA guy got tired of launching rockets and went into the child transport/containment industry.
(I apologize to parents who will think my amazement is overrated, but this is my first time experiencing these creations.)

Let’s start with the stroller. Or as it is so lovingly labeled on the gigantic box in which it arrived, TRAVEL SYSTEM. The only difference between this beast and my first car, a ’72 Nova, is the Nova ran on gasoline. I knew something was up when the directions mentioned “installing the parent tray.” The Cortina Travel System, Explorer is designed as an all-in-one stroller/baby carrier/shopping cart experience. It’s perfect for your weekend visit to the mall.

The convenience is quite amazing. The baby carrier “shuttle vehicle” docks with the stroller mother ship then snaps into an anchored landing pad in the back seat of your car. Made of some space-age alloy, the stroller/surface excursion module not only provides a comfortable seating/sleeping area for the child, but was created with parental comfort in mind. There is a tray for the child that snaps in to the front portion, complete with a beverage/food holder area that can be (and will be) removed for cleaning purposes. It comes as a convertible model, but a flick of the wrist covers baby from the elements and the peering eyes of that strange guy over by Cinnabon. Up by the adjustable steering column is another tray, this one designed for the parent on the go with two latte positions and a mini glove compartment for keys and wipes, of course. But wait, you can store your diaper bag/purse/Hickory Farms Cheese Sampler in the netted pocket underneath! What will they think of next? How about a one-button folding mechanism that makes the entire device flat enough to store in the trunk of your car? Done.

Now for the playard. These used to be called play pens, but they have evolved into so much more. Not only is the Windsor Wave designed as a transportable kiddy cage, but they are also a take along bassinet/changing table. Sure, it’s fairly light and has wheels, but with just a few adjustments, the top becomes a sleeping area complete with bassinet cover and mobile. And get this; it also comes with a two-speed vibrating mattress pad, dual lighting, five classical songs, two sets of nature sounds and a timer for all of it. A few more additions and it becomes a changing table complete with pad and storage for powders, lotions, diapers and wipes. It’s Skylab for infants.

So now we have the kid covered for travel. Keeping her amused and entertained at home is another issue. I’m sure Heather is glad that daddy doesn’t take batteries.

-2 Station And Counting

I thought I'd start off this blog with an explanation of what I'd like to do, here and where we are with the impending arrival of Finley Ella Dickey.

The main idea of this blog is to keep friends and family up to date with the birth of our daughter. I'll try to keep things as simple as possible, but as you probably know, birth is not simple. Depending on the course of labor, I may have the chance to update this blog as we go through the process. Evergreen Hospital has wireless internet and my laptop will be nearby. But the reality is that a woman in labor and high-tech computer use does not mix. I'm sure my time on the laptop will be short, at best.

So, an update. Heather went to the doctor today for her weekly visit and came away with a few points of good news. First and foremost, baby and mama are healthy and happy and that's always the best news. And, they estimated Finley's weight to be between 7 and 7.5 pounds! She is currently in -2 station. For those of you not familiar with the term, station refers to where the baby is in the birthing canal. -3 station is when the baby is “free floating” or where she hangs out most of the time before labor. As she begins to travel through the birth canal, the stations change until her head crowns, or +4 station. The baby is said to be "engaged" in the pelvis when she reaches 0 station. Here’s an animation that explains it a bit more.

So, Finley is at -2 and head-first which is very, very good news. Much to Heather’s dismay, the doctor said it could be any time, now. I keep saying she’ll be a week early, which results in a punch in the arm from Heather. But as we all know, as long as baby and mama are healthy, she can show up anytime.