Daddy’s Home!

There are a few things a dad has to come to terms with when he has a daughter. For instance, you just have to deal with the fact that 99 percent of everything she has is pink. You have to understand that you WILL be forced to wear some sort of frilly hat or scarf and drink fake tea and eat imaginary biscuits. And you have to realize right away that you will never get her hair right, now matter how hard you try. There is really no way around these facts. So you just shrug and watch sports on TV.

There are other things you have to understand as well. Things that are most likely passing fancies that you hope will change as she gets older. The main one that bugs me the most – And it really doesn’t bug me too much, just enough to mention – is the fact that Finley is quite the Momma’s girl.

When we have Poppa-Finley time everything is fine. She wants me to play with her and brings me books to read. She tugs on my pant legs when she wants something and plops on my shoulder when I take her to bed. But when Momma walks into the room, I’m yesterday’s news. And who can blame her? Momma is much prettier, smells better, is way softer and her face isn’t scritchy.

It’s that baby-mommy bond that blows it for us dads. I’m sure it happens with boys, too. And I’m also sure things start to even out a bit as the kid gets older. But for now, I’m John Edwards to Momma Obama.

But it really isn’t so bad. Because it makes all the little moments we have together all the more special. And just this past week I had one of those special little moments.

It was one of those movie moments you envision when you realize you are going to be a daddy, but I had pretty much forgotten about it until it happened.

I had a work event I stayed late for one night and really wasn’t sure I would make it home before the munchkin went to bed. In fact, I had figured I would be sneaking into her bedroom to steal a sleepy kiss. But, to my pleasant surprise, as I stepped through the front door, there was Momma and baby sitting in the living room, reading a book. And that’s when it happened.

Finley looked up from her book and saw me. A big grin crossed her face as she dropped her book – ker-plop – to the floor. She stood up, and moving as fast as those little legs could move, she made a bee-line for me, with arms wide open. And that was my movie moment.

In slow motion, I saw the joy in my daughter’s eyes as she forgot everything else and concentrated on getting to her Poppa as fast as she could. I had just enough time to drop my bag and sweep her into my arms and plant a big smooch on her cheek, which made her giggle.

Now I know and pretty much expect there to be many more of those “Daddy’s home!” moments in the future, but I can tell you this… That first time will always be the best. I don’t care what kind of day you are having… the world is a better place when your baby is happy to see you.

So, I will continue shake my head in disgust when I put her pink shoes and socks on to match her pink outfit. I will make sure to ask for seconds of imaginary tea and biscuits. And I will continue to part her hair in the middle, despite her mother’s looks of disdain. It’s all worth it, because I know who’s waiting for me when Poppa comes home.

Movin’ On Up!

One of the most wonderful things about being a parent is watching your child grow and develop. It can also be quite sad. It wasn’t so long ago that there was this little tiny girl lying on my chest in the middle of the night. For a while, that was the only way to get her to sleep. The warmth and familiarity of being so close to a heartbeat reminded her of the womb and she would drift off curled up as I stared at her tiny face.

Eventually, she learned to fall asleep in her crib and although it allowed Heather and I a little more peace at night, I miss the way she curled up in my arms. It’s pretty much the same story with everything else. From sleeping to eating to bath time, the process has evolved as she has. She even thinks she knows how to read. See below.

But today marked a very big step in Finley’s walk of life. Today she moved up from the infant room at daycare to the toddler room.

Just like everything else, it was inevitable. That doesn’t mean we have to enjoy it! I’m actually okay with it. She’s walking and trying to talk and it’s time to spend her days with kids and teachers who will help her in the next process of her evolution. It was a bit more traumatic for Heather. That’s because she had to drop Finley off this morning. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been much easier for me.

It’s not like they threw Finley in with the big kids, cold turkey. The daycare powers-that-be had been gradually introducing her to the toddler room for several weeks. But today was the first full day in the Big Leagues. And right from the start, Momma saw what rookies go through.

I guess Heather sat Finley down on a little riding toy and as soon as Momma turned away, some big kid pushed Finley off. It’s the typical law of the jungle in the toddler room. Finley is new meat and will be until the next lamb enters the arena. This makes Heather more worried than usual. I’m not extremely worried, but I also trust the teachers and there’s a part of me that hopes this will make Finley tough… But not too tough.

I’m hoping that she can learn to stand her ground – or even better – figure out how to get that kid to share. I’m sure I’m asking for a lot, but it’s worth a shot. The thing is, we’re dealing with the most basic human instincts and emotions, here. And the teacher is not going to be able to see everything. It’s not like its “The Lord of the Flies” in there, but I’m sure there will be days when she’ll come home with a scratch or a bite mark.

This is a very important time for her. She’s moved up from coddling and babying to a place where she’ll have to learn the basic rules of society. It’s kind of scary when you think about it, but we all had to go through it in our own way.

Of course, there are many more good things she will experience than bad. This will be the time that she develops speech. She’ll be learning the words that will help her communicate with us and tell us how she feels. This is good because I have a hard enough time trying to read Heather’s mind, let alone Finley’s. This will also be the time she will make her first friends. In just a little while, she’ll have a buddy she will hang out and play with.

The bottom line is that Finley is growing up. And as hard as it is for us to deal with, it’s something we can’t stop. We might as well embrace it and be thankful that she has the opportunity to grow up in such a good atmosphere with good people. And maybe, just maybe, in the not-so-distant future, when the new kid comes into the room and sits on a toy, Finley will help her and not push her. That will make all the worrying worthwhile.

In the meantime, she’ll take her big steps and we’ll smile through the tears. Because as she grows, so will we. That doesn’t mean I still won’t miss her curled up in my arms.

Daddy Moments

Every once in a while as we make our way through life on planet Finley, there are moments that can only be defined as “daddy” moments. These are things that I most likely would have only experienced after becoming a dad. Things that single dudes probably never experience, let alone think about.

Many times these daddy moments are funny and crazy and others can be very serious or even sad. The perfect example of a daddy moment comes from one of my early blogs when in an early morning stupor, I changed baby Finley but forgot to put on the new diaper. I didn’t discover my error until after a particularly stinky blowout. Needless to say, I haven’t forgotten a diaper since. This past week, I got to experience another daddy moment. This one was almost as messy, but not quite as funny.

Finley had been feeling poorly for a few days and we weren’t exactly sure what it was. She had thrown up in her bed in the middle of the night on Sunday, but seemed fine the next day. Then the diarrhea set in and she threw up during dinner on Tuesday. No fever, no other vomiting episodes, just random sickness.

On Wednesday night, Heather was out and I had daddy duty. We were having a great night together, playing and learning. She ate her whole dinner of mac and cheese followed by pineapple chunks. In fact, I was actually thinking that this sickness bug – or whatever it was – had moved on. Bad mistake.

We were getting ready for bed and as I gave her the nighttime bottle, it hit. One moment she was eagerly awaiting her bottle and the next, we were both covered in mac and cheese and pineapple chunks. No matter what people tell you about what to expect as a parent, there’s not much you can do to prepare for something like this.

First of all, it’s such a surprise that there is this moment where you’re thinking, “did that just happen?” Then, the parenting gene kicks in and before you know it, you’ve somehow gotten everyone and everything to a sink and are wiping down everyone and everything.

This, was a daddy moment. Never in the forty years previous to last Wednesday did I ever think I’d be in this situation. I mean, I knew going into this child gig that kids get sick and I expected to be on the cleanup end of a few trips to the toilet. But, being the recipient of the blast is not quite what I had in mind.

And to her credit – even though she just exhaled her dinner – she was over it in seconds, giggling and playing with her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She wasn’t too terribly annoyed with having to change all of her clothes, either. I figure whatever it was that had been bothering her had been exorcised along with that last meal.

It turns out, after a trip to the doc the next day, that she may have had a touch of the rotavirus, which is why it wasn’t your normal flu or stomach bug. After a really rough Thursday at home with Momma, she made a full recovery and is her normal, walking, babbling self. And I’m happy to say I, too, made a full recovery after a full scrub of the bathroom sink and a change of clothes of my own.

So, I’ll just chalk that one up to another in my growing list of daddy moments. I know my list will get even longer and may include things like trips to the emergency room, the fixing of toys and/or dolls, many scrapes and cuts that will bleed and perhaps some sort of process in which I am the model for a little hairdresser wannabe.

The thing is, as much as some of these daddy moments will make me wince and shake my head, I’d rather be living these moments than wondering what I was missing.

Submitted for Your Approval

It’s no secret how enlightening raising a child can be. There are all these statistics about how much children learn in their first five years… How much of a sponge their little brains are. But, when you step back for a moment, you start to realize how much YOU are learning.

I’m not just talking about the ability to turn a routine diaper change into the equivalent of a NASCAR pit stop or all the things you never realized you could do while holding a child in one arm. I’m talk about discovering a little bit more about yourself than you probably thought you would. And in some cases, maybe a bit more than you really wanted to learn.

When you’re tasked to raise a small human, you find out how well you can deal with little emergencies and you find out how patient you really are… Not just how patient you thought you were.

As a parent you discover the beauty of a sleeping child. Not just the fact that they are sweet and innocent lying there, but the TRUE beauty – which is that you might be able to get a few things done around the house.

I catch myself staring a lot. I just like to watch her figure things out. I like watching her little body movements and the way she furrows her brow when she’s looking at something. I wonder what she’s thinking and how her little brain is processing all of this without the help of a language. And recently, we started noticing her doing something that I hadn’t really thought she’d be doing so early in life.

As she grows and learns, we make sure we encourage her along the way. Whether it’s taking steps or feeding herself, we’re cheering her on with applause and a “Yay, Finley!” And now she’s starting to expect it.

The other night, Momma was cheering her along as she was putting her little blocks into the right hole on one of her toys when Finley started turning around to make sure I was watching. She needed Poppa’s approval. It makes plenty of sense, because she’s so used to us reacting to her every move. It just makes me think how simple it starts and how many of us still look to our parents for approval years and years later.

Sure, we may be our own people as adults and have no one to answer to, really. But there’s a small bit in all of us that wants to make our parents proud. And it all started way back before we even knew what the word “approval” was.

How many times in the years to come will I be watching Finley at a recital or playing a sport and see her turn around to find me in the crowd or on the sideline? Part of me feels guilty for having her think she’ll always need me and part of me hopes she’ll always want me to be proud.

I’m pretty sure being a parent is keeping those two things balanced as best as we can. I’m also pretty sure that there will be some years between the ages of 12 and 20 when she’ll say she won’t care what I think. And as much as I know she probably won’t mean it, it will still hurt a bit.

But ultimately, our job as parents is to help her realize that the only person she needs to make proud, is herself… That she is the one she should be trying to impress. When she gets to that point, however far into the future that is, I’ll be there when she turns around to find me. And I’ll be proud.