Submitted for Your Approval

It’s no secret how enlightening raising a child can be. There are all these statistics about how much children learn in their first five years… How much of a sponge their little brains are. But, when you step back for a moment, you start to realize how much YOU are learning.

I’m not just talking about the ability to turn a routine diaper change into the equivalent of a NASCAR pit stop or all the things you never realized you could do while holding a child in one arm. I’m talk about discovering a little bit more about yourself than you probably thought you would. And in some cases, maybe a bit more than you really wanted to learn.

When you’re tasked to raise a small human, you find out how well you can deal with little emergencies and you find out how patient you really are… Not just how patient you thought you were.

As a parent you discover the beauty of a sleeping child. Not just the fact that they are sweet and innocent lying there, but the TRUE beauty – which is that you might be able to get a few things done around the house.

I catch myself staring a lot. I just like to watch her figure things out. I like watching her little body movements and the way she furrows her brow when she’s looking at something. I wonder what she’s thinking and how her little brain is processing all of this without the help of a language. And recently, we started noticing her doing something that I hadn’t really thought she’d be doing so early in life.

As she grows and learns, we make sure we encourage her along the way. Whether it’s taking steps or feeding herself, we’re cheering her on with applause and a “Yay, Finley!” And now she’s starting to expect it.

The other night, Momma was cheering her along as she was putting her little blocks into the right hole on one of her toys when Finley started turning around to make sure I was watching. She needed Poppa’s approval. It makes plenty of sense, because she’s so used to us reacting to her every move. It just makes me think how simple it starts and how many of us still look to our parents for approval years and years later.

Sure, we may be our own people as adults and have no one to answer to, really. But there’s a small bit in all of us that wants to make our parents proud. And it all started way back before we even knew what the word “approval” was.

How many times in the years to come will I be watching Finley at a recital or playing a sport and see her turn around to find me in the crowd or on the sideline? Part of me feels guilty for having her think she’ll always need me and part of me hopes she’ll always want me to be proud.

I’m pretty sure being a parent is keeping those two things balanced as best as we can. I’m also pretty sure that there will be some years between the ages of 12 and 20 when she’ll say she won’t care what I think. And as much as I know she probably won’t mean it, it will still hurt a bit.

But ultimately, our job as parents is to help her realize that the only person she needs to make proud, is herself… That she is the one she should be trying to impress. When she gets to that point, however far into the future that is, I’ll be there when she turns around to find me. And I’ll be proud.