Red Eyes at Night

When you have a toddler, you get to experience a lot of great things. You get to watch their motor skills really advance. 

You get to hear them develop their speech. And you get to witness as they figure out who you are and that they like to give you kisses.

Unfortunately, there are a few of the bad things you have to deal with, too. From earaches, to teething to bumps and bruises, you become a real pro at consoling, real quick. But last week we experienced something that was new to all of us and no fun at all.

Last week we got to experience something called “Night Terrors.” We had heard about them when we were reading all the “Now you’re a parent” literature that floats around after a baby is born. I always thought it was just another term for a nightmare, but it turns out it’s much more than that.

In a nutshell, night terrors happen when a toddler is real close to falling asleep but “gets caught” between partial sleep and deep sleep and is kind of stuck in a sleep-walk stage. They’re not really asleep and not really awake and this is very, very confusing. There’s a real good description of night terrors in this article by Dr. Alan Greene.

It is not uncommon for Finley to stir loudly after about an hour or so into her sleep. Sometimes she loses her binky or rolls into an uncomfortable position. We’ll hear her cry a bit and if she doesn’t figure it out for herself after a few minutes, then we’ll go in and either pop her binky back in or straighten her body out. But Thursday night, when she stirred, she was screaming.

At first we thought she had hurt herself or had awoken from a bad dream, but she wasn’t responding to our attempts to console. She wouldn’t let us hold her and was kicking and calling out for us when we were right there. This happened all night and I don’t think Heather and I got a good hour of sleep between us. She would start to go down and the next thing you know…. She was crying and screaming all over again.

Of course, we didn’t read Dr. Greene’s article until the next day, but it pretty much explained all the strange stuff that happened. Like the fact that you can’t console a kid in this state. They are basically in a dream state and are kind of sleepwalking through this confusion that is very frightening. It also turns out that the episodes are usually pretty short – thank goodness – and are brought on by changes in sleep patterns (Such as just coming back from Hawaii). And although the explanation did a lot to help us understand what was happening and why it was happening, it didn’t help me feel any better.

Because if there is one thing I think I’m supposed to do as a daddy, it’s to be a source of comfort for my little girl. And when she won’t accept your comfort, it can be tough to take.

Obviously, she didn’t know it was us or what was going on, but not being able to help her is the one thing I dread the most. I’m so glad she’s starting to talk, so we can get to the root of the things that bother her. The last year and a half has been great, but not knowing what’s wrong is the absolute worst.

And like these little episodes, all things will pass. Well, I doubt I’ll ever stop wanting to be there for her when she needs help. Eventually, I’ll just have to learn to let her go. But, I get at least eighteen more years of holding on tight, right? Then I guess it will be my turn to be the one having trouble sleeping.