All She Wants

Heather and I had two major discussions well before Finley was born.

Both were pretty much about the same thing and both can be summed up like this: I am a sap. My daughter will have me wrapped around her finger. I won’t be able to say no. We were talking about discipline and how much of a Daddy’s girl Finley would be.

To be fair, most of those statements are true. But as we got closer to the birth of our daughter, I resolved not to be a pushover. And I held true to my resolution – mainly because the first year or so, there’s not much going on in the way of discipline. It really doesn’t kick in until they figure out how to say “no.” And even then, it’s all about distraction. If you can quickly get their mind off of whatever it was they were whining about, then they forget and move on to the next thing. The problem is, at about two, they start figuring out that trick.

Which brings us to a particular two-and-a-half-year-old and her constant desire for food, drink, toys, and any other thing that happens to land in her line of sight. The distraction game only lasts so long and you find yourself either saying “no” or bargaining for some future and/or non-existent alternative. Mostly you’re bargaining.

Depending on the mood of the child, this can be a fairly reasonable discussion, or as we have seen lately, an exhausting, drag out, knock down battle. It’s not so bad when the battles are at home. If things escalate to tantrum levels, you can always call a time out and send them to their room. But when you’re out in public, say at a grocery store, then the current outing come to a sudden halt.

Which is why it is very important to gauge your child’s mood and fatigue level well before heading on these outings or you’ll be running for the exit of Target with a screaming, kicking girl in your arms, while Momma tries to check out.

Which brings me back to the original discussion, which was my resolve to not be a pushover. I actually think I’m doing fairly well. The good thing is that most of the things she whines and cries for are relatively small in nature – not much more than the occasional lollipop or toy. And in those cases you really have to pick your battles and think through your strategy.

You have to decide if getting her the lollipop she is crying for is worth the five to ten minutes of silence or if it is just setting a precedence of giving in that she will latch on to for the next several weeks. The answer really depends on how many people are within earshot of her screams or how quick of a run it is to your car.

But really, these are fairly easy decisions. Not letting her have candy or a toy is pretty straightforward and you can bargain treats and toys waiting for us at home. What makes the overall process difficult is when she’s not acting like a devil spawn and actually being the nice, sweet girl you’ve come to know and love.

It really is amazing how she can go from tears and cries one second to hugs and kisses the next. The great part is that she hasn’t figured out quite yet that this can be a tactic. She is honestly being sweet and nice and not trying to leverage anything out of me… yet.

I think at this point it comes down to the fact that the act of performing her tragedy wears her out and when she is done with the drama, she wants a shoulder to lay on. Nothing is better than when she walks up with her sad little eyes and says “I want to hold you.” It’s like snuggling recharges her batteries and after a few minutes she’s ready to play with blocks.

Of course it’s just a matter of time before she realizes that she can work the tears AND the hugs to get what she’s after. THAT’S when I’m not sure my resolve will hold up. Right now, being smarter than a two-year old is an advantage. The smarter she gets, the dumber I get and the more of a sucker I become. I know, deep down, I won’t give her everything she wants. I’ll give her just enough to keep me on her snuggle list.